self-exploration

I have a daily practice of pulling oracle cards, some times it’s just one, sometimes I need more information and I pull three.  Today I pulled the Owl, from my favorite deck Mystic Shaman.

Owl…

Be grateful to the friend who shows you what you have not wanted to see until now.  Observe all the facets of the diamond without judgement.  Remember that the facets you dislike are often mirrors of the parts of you that you do not want to recognize.

I sat with this…and asked myself, once again, how is the world mirroring me.  I knew exactly what the card was referring to, yesterday I was triggered, my buttons pushed.  I was irritated by the behavior of someone close to me and…I still haven’t been able to shake it off.  Why, because the journey I’m on now isn’t about just shaking things off and moving on it’s about going deeper, exploring my shadow side…digging deeper into who I’ve been and shedding what doesn’t serve me.

But here I was contemplating the meaning of  “your life is like a mirror” once again. I’m sure you’ve all heard of this saying.  The more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t conceive of the idea that if someone is dishonest, thoughtlessness, uncaring, rude…all the things that irritate me so much, was because they mirrored those traits in me.  How could that be, was I that blind, after all the self exploration I’ve done, that I couldn’t see who I was in the world?

This brought me to tears…yes tears.  Since my betrayal, these past three years I’ve found myself being more softer, fragile.  At first I saw it as a weakness now I see it as connecting deeper to my Divine Feminine.  So, through those tears it hit me…maybe it’s not mirroring how I’m showing up in the world but how I’m showing up for myself.  This may be obvious to some…but it wasn’t to me.

What if…

My irritation with someone who is uncaring, wasn’t saying that I am uncaring of others in the world but instead that I am not caring for myself.  Or what if their thoughtlessness reflected how much time I spend in my relationships thinking about other’s needs or wants rather than focusing on my own well-being.  Or that maybe I needed to be more rude, I know that sounds terrible, at least it did to me…but let’s think about it in terms of how we treat ourselves.  What if being irritated by someones rudeness is a mirroring that if I’m more “rude”, then I’d have better boundaries.  Something that I’m learning to get better at creating…boundaries. I found out the hard way how important these are to have in our lives.

I looked into this a little more and found that this mirroring process is two folds.  When you are irritated by someone, annoyed by them or they press your buttons, triggers you in some way…then this is a reflection of what you need to own in yourself.  Likewise, if you drawn to someone and admire them, this too is a reflection of what you need to own in yourself.  For example if you are in awe of someones eloquence or strength, ask yourself how do you need to own your own eloquence and strength.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, the Universe gives us ample opportunities to learn the lessons we are here to learn.  This is yet another opportunity…when you despise certain traits in others…dig deeper, explore what it is you need to own in yourself.  You will come to see, as I have, that even the negative traits have something positive to teach you.